Home Breaking Should polygamy be practiced? – Oluwafeyisayo Apata
Yes polygamy can be practice and the same way the answer is No, polygamy should not be practice. What is polygamy? This can be explained when a man have more than a wife, can be two, three or more than. It is possible to practice It but difficult to maintain it, why? Even the Muslim doctor that allows It said It can only be practice when the man is ready and capable to perform his duties equally, and this include financially, marital ,sexually, the care of the wives children, feeding and so on. My question now is can the duties be done equally, can their needs be meet without misunderstanding, most of all is which wife do you cherish the most as the husband? It not possible to Love two wives at a time but u can like one and Love the other or like all but can’t Love all, so which side will you want to be as the husband, when the wives are fighting each other’s or having slight misunderstanding which of the wife will your heart care for even if you are trying not to take one wife side, It not easy to maintain a nuclear family not to talk of polygamy family. In the olden days we all understand why polygamy is practice; it was practice then because of farm work when there is nothing like education future ambition to be a pilot, lawyer and so on. But in this modern day, they are lot of wishes the children and youth want to accomplish.
Dangers in practicing polygamy:
Hatred: no matter how kind and caring you can be as a wife to the other wife/wives children when It get to the stage that your children are moving to their success academically, one of your children was given scholarship and the other wife children are not as brilliant as yours then you will get to know that both you and your children are not secure, your lives are in danger or you are the one that your husband Love the most, It also cause lot of hatred.
: like I said earlier when one of the wives Child/Children is getting successful even if the other children are not showing concern their mothers can change their thought and the next thing will be jealousy which can lead to lot of danger. It is rather better not practice polygamy than embarking on a journey of regret
Domestic violence: Violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner, girl/boyfriend or intimate family member. Domestic violence can affect anyone of any age or gender. Whether it’s physical or psychological. Abuse is a learned behavior; it is not caused by anger, mental problems, drugs or alcohol, or other common excuses. When the general public thinks about domestic violence, they usually think in terms of physical assault that results in visible injuries to the victim. This is only one type of abuse.
There are different types of domestic violence which are:
Physical Abuse: physical abuse is any physically aggressive behavior, withholding of physical needs, indirect physically harmful behavior, or threat of physical abuse. This may include but is not limited to: Hitting, kicking, biting, slapping, shaking, pushing, pulling, punching, choking, beating, and so on
Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse is using sex in an exploitative fashion or forcing sex on another person. Having consented to sexual activity in the past does not indicate current consent. Sexual abuse may involve both verbal and physical behavior. This may also include: Using force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation or not considering the victim’s desire to have sex. This may include making her have sex with others, have unwanted sexual experiences, or be involuntarily involved in prostitution.
Exploitation:Exploiting a victim who is unable to make an informed decision about involvement in sexual activity because of being asleep, intoxicated, drugged, disabled, too young, too old, or dependent upon or Fear etc.
Psychological abuse:Psychological abuse is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.
Emotional Abuse & Intimidation: According to the AMENDED Workbook for Ending Violent Behavior, emotional abuse is any behavior that exploits another’s vulnerability, insecurity, or character. Such behaviors include continuous degradation, intimidation, manipulation, brainwashing, or control of another to the detriment of the individual. This may include but is not limited to: Insulting or criticizing to undermine the victim’s self-confidence. This includes public humiliation, as well as actual or threatened rejection. Threatening or accusing, either directly or indirectly, with intention to cause emotional or physical harm or loss. For instance, threatening to kill the victim or himself, or both. Using reality distorting statements or behaviors that create confusion and insecurity in the victim like saying one thing and doing another, stating untrue facts as truth, and neglecting to follow through on stated intentions. While emotional abuse differs from physical abuse, the end result is the same…a spouse becomes fearful of their partner and begins to change their behaviors to keep their partner happy.
Isolation: Isolation is a form of abuse often closely connected to controlling behaviors. It is not an isolated behavior, but the outcome of many kinds of abusive behaviors. By keeping her from seeing who she wants to see, doing what she wants to do, setting and meeting goals, and controlling how she thinks and feels.
Verbal Abuse: Coercion, Threats & Blame: Verbal abuse is any abusive language used to denigrate, embarrass or threaten the victim. In other not to be a victim of domestic abuse, you eradicate Fear, not considering the threat, embarrassment, you are going through or have experience just have to summon courage and inform someone on what you are going through or what actually happened to you so you can be save/rescue from the abuse.
The pattern is repeated, some stop at two and few go on further, until caught. Most of these men have neither have any moral courage nor are they religious but are the first to use religion to cover their practices. When such men get into polygamy, it is not religion that they are following but only fulfilling their desires.
In conclusion, According to my own Opinion.Polygamy should not be encouraged. Religion is only misused to cover up their cowardly act of cheating and destroying lives. They fail to support their families financially, wives go back to working as helps or in factories struggling to meet ends, children grow up without the care of father, soon ending up as school dropouts. The cycle of illiteracy, unemployment and social degradation continues. This can happen in any society or faith but sadly with Muslims, when religion is used to justify it, it becomes difficult to correct or even question such acts.
People who use various reasons to justify encouraging polygamy fail to see the damage it does. Many cite rampant extramarital affairs but don’t understand that there is no end to the roving eyes of some men, no assurance that these men will stop having affairs even after they finish their quota of wives. Neither at present there is so much of the male-to-female ratio discrepancy, so as such there is no need for one man to marry more than one woman. Moreover, how many of such men actually marry widows or elderly women?? Most of the second wives are young girls from poor families, so it becomes more of an exploitation than a noble intention.